Well, I have made it to a year in working in Fiber Arts. That is the longest that I have stuck with any medium outside of painting. While I consider that a huge success, unfortunately, being surrounded by amazing painters at Mainframe Studios has given me pause.
I have always wanted to be a painter. It is the SOLE reason that I left my career in business to return to art school. BUT I found that I will likely never will be an amazing painter, so I generally paint for a short time, give up and then move on to another medium. This rotation has been happening every few years for 13 years now. It is painful every time.
With all of this said, I started painting again about 3 weeks ago. I am 46 years old and it is time to do what I want or let it go. This time I NEED IT TO BE different, so I have been contemplating what has made me stop painting each time and I have figured out a few things:
- I take painting more seriously than any other medium, judging myself more harshly than probably anyone should judge themselves.
- What I want to happen and what actually happens on the canvas are two completely separate things.
Sadly, I truly believe that it is my subject choice. My painting issues are that I WANT loose and flowing pieces, BUT I GET stiff and structured. I want 100% freedom, but I choose representational subjects (figures) which I can not get my mind to accept that the figure has to be perfect and anything less than perfect is not acceptable. So I paint, repaint, nit-pick, repaint and get the strokes so tight and rigid that am disappointed and later STILL unhappy. I would also love to be free of reference materials all together, but who can work without a model when the expectation is perfection? I just want to start with a blank canvas and end up with what I want.
WHAT CAN I DO?
This time I am going to go completely non-objective. I am going to work abstractly and focus on design, color, texture and layering the paint. I know, this is a huge change and I will likely be at it for a while before I produce something that I love, but I have to do it. I hope you will enjoy this new work.
We never know how long we get and I will not let this be my only regret. Wish me luck.